I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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