My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
