I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
