No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
