Someone shit on the floor
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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