Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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