1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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