oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
