We're like a lot better than the average bears
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
