Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
