i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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