I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
