Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm really busy with my period
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