My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
