She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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