Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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