it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
