You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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