My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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