And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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