And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
