she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
