I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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