I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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