So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
