first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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