I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
