I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
