Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And then the night went full on bisexual.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
