I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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