I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
