So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize