i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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