we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
