Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
