The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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