forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
