you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
