On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
