Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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