my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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