One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
NoShamevember. You game?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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