So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
