My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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