is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
