I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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