There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drunk is not a location!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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