using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
