He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
