he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
