Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
