Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
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I need to stop coming to work sober
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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