so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
