she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
