apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize