A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
oh god the rape fog is back!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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