tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
