Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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