good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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