I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
