Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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