oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Shame is for Republicans.
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