Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
please don't ironically join a cult
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