At least make sure they are 18
Why
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
