i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
