well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
