Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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