this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
