So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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